Spoonie Writer: Goals That Work For You

SPOONIE WRITER: GOALS THAT WORK FOR YOU

I decided that since I was reviewing the yearly goals I set myself last week (found here) then I should also talk about how, as a spoonie, I try to set goals that work for me. It can be daunting to look at everyone else making lots and lots of lofty goals and then looking at what you've achieved and feeling like you don't belong. Or even just not knowing how much you can get done in any one period because of your conditions. They can be tricky, they can make it seem like you're not doing enough, but actually you're in the midst of a flare and there's nothing you can do about it but keep going.

I know that to most people looking at my social media, my "highlight reel" they might think that I don't find it hard to meet my goals, or that I don't struggle some days to get the work done, and that's simply not true. Like right now, I'm writing the coming months blog posts, while having a flare, and have been putting stuff off until the final day of the month thinking I would be able to manage it, and to be honest, I'm not. I've been struggling to stay sitting at my desk, and so have been doing a lot of my days work in bed, on my iPad. It works for me, I get what I can done, and then I move onto things that will help relax me, and deal with the flare.

So how do I know what goals work for me? I have the experience of having been doing this for a long time, but also because I already know my limits, and that's what I'm gonna focus on today because I know how lucky I am to be in a position where I do know my limits and also have the time to take extra breaks if I need to because writing is basically my job. Today I'm gonna talk about finding those limits, and making sure your goals aren't gonna push you to breaking point.

STEP #1: TRIAL AND ERROR
A lot of the time people assume that because you have x condition and they have a friend with the same thing, then you'll both experience the condition the same way, and it's just not true. Part of getting to know your limits, if a lot of trying things, and seeing what's too much and what's okay. There's no such thing as too little, you know I fully believe that it takes as long as it takes and that's okay.#

So take this first step and remember that this isn't about pushing yourself into payback and a flare, this is about working out what you can safely do on a good day, a bad one, and all the others in the middle when it's just kinda okay but not.

STEP #2: START SMALL WITH GOALS
When I first started using sticky notes to plan my time, I already knew that at a push I could do two things on a bad day, so I only ever set myself one thing a day. This was so that even if it was a bad day, I could at least manage one small thing. I also made sure that I had lots of days off so that if I did too much, or my conditions flared, I didn't lose the progress I'd made. Once you know where your limits are, then you can work out just how much is doable on the worst day, so long as you're able to actually work on those days. I'm not gonna shame anyone who doesn't, just because I can, doesn't mean everyone else can.

But starting small with your goals allows you to get a little done, and know that you're on the right path, so that when you choose to set goals long term, you have some idea of what's manageable and what isn't. And again, I can't be more clear that you will need days off. Even if the little thing isn't taxing, you still need time to recharge and relax. That is not optional!

And finally STEP #3: CHOOSE TO AIM AT YOUR COMFORT LEVEL
I say it like this because people are different. I personally know that if I set goals so high that I'd have to push myself into a flare to achieve them, I would do it, because if I set a goal, I want to reach it. So I don't aim too high, but rather stick to just above what I could normally manage and then some months, weeks, etc I don't hit them, and that's okay.

Other people like to push themselves, feeling that if they aim too low that it's not really a goal. I don't agree that it's not a goal, but if you're that kind of person, go and aim for whatever your comfort level is. At the end of the day, you know yourself, and your conditions best and I'm not you.

So those are my three steps for goals that work for me, I wish you all the best of luck with your goal setting, and if you have any questions or want to add to the piece, then please do comment! 

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No More Ableist Books Collab [CC]

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Disabled Characters: How To? [CC]

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Spoonie Writer: Juggling Illness & Writing

SPOONIE WRITER: JUGGLING ILLNESS & WRITING

I've done pieces recently about the burnout I suffered at the tail end of 2018 and into 2019. (Piece found here) I wanted to touch on this again as a spoonie writer because I feel like it's something that applies to both me as an author and me as a spoonie and it might be something that can help others in the same situation. Just to clarify, I am doing better from the burnout. I took time for myself, allowed some self-care and gave myself the space to refill my creative well. On top of that I have been dealing with new symptoms which I've talked about on my Authortube channel and will briefly go into here.

For the past three months I have had what seems to be an allergy rash. We've treated it long term with steroids and a new anti-histamine, but there is the very real possibility that I have developed another condition to go with my others. Everything is up in the air, but it's looking to be auto-immune and could be anything from Lupus to arthritis to even just my body being the butt it is from time to time. I mention it because for a period they were concerned that it was simply brought about by the stress of working myself too hard, and that's a very real problem when you're a spoonie and trying to hold down a job of some sorts, especially a creative one that requires a lot of active planning and brain power.

When I talk about juggling illness and writing, I am usually talking about a long term illness. I do get colds and such from time to time, everybody does, but generally they don't hang around for long and you're, usually, able to take time off your working life until you recover. The same can not be said for a long term illness. I don't work a conventional job, and some days I don't work at all, but when I'm having to work through a flare or a hiccup in my health, I'm usually on deadline and having to do so because of the people and timing depending on me.

Like right now, I am in the midst of my second book release of the year. I also have a third planned, so have been juggling editing, proof-reading, promo, cover reveals, ARC readers and the like since the beginning of the year and it's not about to stop any time soon. Now of course, I could, as an indie author, choose to change the release dates, but I have put time and energy into making sure these releases go off without a hitch on the time frame I have promised. That means a lot of pressure on me to make sure I keep up with things.

So how do I cope with all of that while also keeping myself as healthy as I can be? Glad you asked, because I'm gonna tell you five things that I do to make sure I stay on deadline, but also don't make myself sick or sicker depending on the day of the week.

#1 - HAVE A PLAN
I've always been someone who's organised, and that's the same when it comes to my writing and releases and such. I know what needs to be done by when and having that gives me some breathing room and helps manage my anxiety. If I have a day when I'm not able to work, then I can look at my plan and know that I'm on track. For me it's always been sticky notes, I'd show you them but they have spoilers right now! But whatever works for you is the best option.

#2 - MAKE TIME TO REST
I have been doing a lot of resting these past few months. It means that I am over thirty books ahead on my Goodreads challenge because for me, nothing says rest like a good book to read. I have days when I'll be writing and that means setting aside time in the evening to wind down, read and catch my breath as it were. I also have days when I have nothing to do but small pieces of admin, like writing blog posts or vlog scripts. These are my days off, even though people tell me that since I'm still doing something related to work they don't count, but they do for me. I also have complete days off, these are days I plan to do nothing related to my author platform. They are sacred and important because they allow me to take a step back and recharge.

#3 - ALLOW FOR CATCH UP DAYS
If you're on deadline, during something like a a release or edits or something like that, then you need to be sure you have days that allow for some breathing room. These will be a lifesaver for you because they will give you a chance to reassess what you need to do, and know whether or not things need to be changed. I personally have dates that I already know will be the limit, but have plans to get things done before those dates so that if I have to push things back, I'm not going to miss the deadline. It helps me with my anxiety and it also allows for other issues outside of my control.

#4 - REMEMBER THAT SOME THINGS ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
I'm talking about waiting on other people, like for my first release of the year, I ran into issues with my editor getting behind because of her own work schedule. I couldn't do anything about that and so getting the book ready for release and off to the proof-reader and from there to ARC readers were a massive headache for me, but it was helped by having friends around who could remind me that it could be done. And it was done, because of those catch up days and because of having set those deadlines, I was able to meet the goals set with minimal stress to me and my health.

And finally, #5 - GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE
I say this as someone who is usually hard on themselves. Especially when I'm on a deadline. I expect to give 110% to my work and to get it all done, but I'm not superwoman and neither are you. Allow yourself the time to heal if you need it, be careful with yourself because you are only human and you will make mistakes and that's okay. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to it. You're allowed to need time off and you're allowed to need space. It's all part of the process.

So those are my five tips when it comes to juggling your illness and your writing. I know that I've mostly focused on releases, but these can all be applied to other facets of the writing life. I have gone easy on myself these past few months and I plan to continue it going forward as well. You have to take care of yourself because that's how you keep writing and keep creating.

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Disabled Characters FTW! - The Creative Process

DISABLED CHARACTERS FTW!

I talked last week about representation (found here) and this week I want to touch on something near and dear to my heart, and that is: disabled characters. Now I've talked about this before (pieces here and here, video here) but it's been a long while since I really spoke about this issue. A lot of the time, it feels like disabled characters get forgotten about. We end up with the tragic ending, or being cured when actually we're just happy being in fiction. There's a lot than goes into this, some of it is the belief that disabled people are better off dead, some of it is the idea that every single one of us just wants to be cured magically and go on our way, and some of it is plain old ignorance.

When I started my AuthorTube channel, I did so without really saying much about my own disability. If you follow me there, you know that I regularly open up the floor for questions from my readers, you guys basically. You'll also know that a lot of the time, I got a lot of similar questions: what's wrong with you? It got to the point where I did a whole video addressing that because I just got sick of being asked all the time. (For the curious, the video is here) But what does that have to do with disabled characters and why you should write them?

I'm glad you asked. It's as simple as this. A lot of the time, I'm seen as tragic and/or inspirational because I both write and exist while being chronically ill and in a wheelchair. A lot of the unsolicited messages I get are from people unaware of what my deal is, and therefore asking what's up with me and how does it get fixed. And there in lies the problem. You can't "fix" me. I am, firstly, not broken, and secondly, there is no known cure. And I'm okay with that. There are some days when I'm not, but for the most part, I am okay with the way my life is going. Because of getting sick, I was able to start my writing career and if that'd not happened, I wouldn't be where I am today. But before you start telling me how inspiring that is, read on a little further.

A lot of the time, when people like me are in stories, they're seen as a warning, or a tragic ending. People fawn over them, feel sorry for them, use them as a way to build themselves up and generally the disabled character isn't at all well-rounded, because they are, at the basic, a prop to spur on the protag and save the day. And that's a really hard pill to swallow as both someone who grew up chronically ill, and someone who writes young adult fiction. As I mentioned last week, I don't think abled people should be writing about the struggles of being disabled, but that doesn't mean we have no place in your story. It also doesn't mean that for a happy ending, the disabled person has to be cured or die so that they are "no longer suffering."

I say it like that but I know there are a wide array of views when it comes to both the disabled community and the chronically ill community, the crossover between the two is a lot and everyone is different. I am not, by any means, claiming to speak for anyone but myself. I'm not the voice piece and I am only going by my own feelings and thoughts when it comes to disabled characters in fiction that I've read or seen talked about.

So what are my tips when it comes to writing disabled characters and how can you avoid falling into a trope plot hole that makes it more cringey than readable? Glad you asked, because you know that I love to give out tips on these posts so here's my top five when it comes to writing disabled characters.

#1 - NO INSPIRATION PORN
If you're not disabled, then you've probably never heard this term thrown around. Lemme break it down for you, inspiration porn is when you see a photo or video of someone in a wheelchair or visibly disabled doing something completely ordinary. It's then held up for all to see, usually with the words: What's your excuse? It's the bane of disabled lives because we're seen as so tragic that we simply exist to build up abled people and show them that if we can do x then they should be surpassing us by miles. It's a similar kinda thing to that saying: The only disability is a bad attitude. Which is crap and allows me to use this gif to convey it.

 
But this is something you should be avoiding at all costs when it comes to writing disabled characters. You should not be putting them up as the standard to live by, unless they're doing something exceptional for anyone. It should never be despite their disability. Of course mileage may vary here, but personally I find characters who are super awesome at what they do well-rounded when they're not being touted as so inspirational because they got the thing done while also being disabled.

#2 - CHECK YOUR TERMIOLOGY
This is something that applies to a lot of marginalised characters, and that is making sure you're using the right words to describe them. I can't talk on writing characters of colour and how to describe their skin tone and hair, but I can tell you that a lot of disabled people prefer being referred to as just that: disabled. Not differently abled. Not person with a disability. But disabled. Again, mileage may vary and it's not something you have to take my word for, as I said above, do your research and talk to people with that disability when writing these characters, especially if you're not disabled yourself.

Another word that I would rather not be used by those without a disability is the word cripple. It's been a slur against disabled people for a long time, and while some have reclaimed it, myself included, it's not something that should be thrown around. On top of that things like wheelchair bound are seen as a no-go. My wheelchair frees me, it doesn't bind me. In that regard something as simple as switching it to wheelchair user, can be a better idea.

#3 - HAPPY ENDINGS ARE OKAY
As I mentioned above, a lot of the time, disabled characters don't get happy endings. They either die tragically and that is seen as a happy ending, or they get erased from the whole thing. It's okay to write a character who doesn't get cured and yet still survives to tell the tale. On top of that, it's more than possible for someone in a wheelchair or with a disability to have a good ending. To have been part of the action and gone on to have a rich, fulfilling life. It's okay to let us be happy and it's okay for us to stay disabled.

#4 - LOVE HAPPENS
This is something that is shied away from a whole lot and it's a pain in my backside. Disabled characters can have love interests. We can even have sex should we wish to. We're not so faux pas as to never get the girl (or guy) because we also happen to wheel rather than walk. So if you're thinking that your love interest can't be with a disabled character because of the disability aspect, think again, it's possible, it happens, and it should be shown in fiction!

#5 - CURING ISN'T THE END ALL
I touched on this a little in some of the other points, but not all disabled people want to be cured. It was a big thing for me when J K Rowling announced that there were no disabled people at Hogwarts because they'd all be cured. It left a bad taste in my mouth because it just felt like erasure, which is what it is. Disabilities are real, they have a lifelong effect, and announcing that there are no disabilities in your world and therefore no need for adaptation etc, is lazy writing. There, I've said it, and I know I'm not alone there. Allow your disabled characters to stay disabled, because in the real world there are people reading who never get to see themselves in fiction, and who won't get a cure because there isn't one.

So those are my five tips and pointers when it comes to writing disabled characters. As always, if you have any questions, feel free to sound off in the comments below!

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Diversity In Fiction - The Creative Process

DIVERSITY IN FICTION

This has been on my list to write for a while and because of that I've had a lot of time to think about how to put it all on the page. I've talked about disability and writing before. I've talked about why representation matters (found here) and my own thoughts of writing disabled characters (video here). Next week I will be focusing solely on that, so for now I'm going to stick to plain old diversity and why you as a writer, whether you are marginalised or not, should be writing a diverse cast of characters and stories.

When writing you're generally in charge of what the world you're writing about looks like. A lot of the arguments throughout the interweb are that people either don't want to get it wrong, or don't feel like including 'diverse' characters should be 'forced' on a writer. I have to say, if you think the latter, then I gotta wonder what you're doing writing in the first place. I feel like a lot of the time, in that regard it's usually people who've just started writing and are, generally, seeing themselves in fiction constantly. They're usually white, het, cis, abled and male, though of course white woman do the same as well. And I'm not going to say that I got it right first time around. I didn't.

For a long time I didn't really think beyond my characters' names and make up. I didn't think about whether or not they should be gay or straight or trans or non-binary. Disabled or chronically ill, or religious or not. Or non-white or any of those things. Because I was writing what I thought were the stories that I should tell. The stories of, mostly, white, abled, teens. It was really only when I finally got the courage to write Lynne & Hope, that I went all out and made Hope unapologetically disabled. There was no getting around the wheelchair on the front cover. You couldn't argue she wasn't disabled, it was right there.

But I still didn't always talk about skin colour when describing my characters. It's something that I've learned from and something I am striving to do better. And a lot of that was ignorance. It was not knowing any better, or at least not consciously knowing any better. And now, here we are in 2019 and I am writing diverse books. I don't do it because I want a pat on the back. I don't do it for sales, I do it because those are the stories that I want to tell. These are the characters that popped into my head and wouldn't shut up. And it's not about being forced, it's about being aware that there are people who are not me in my worlds. They're not white, nor are they bi, nor are they cis female. The worlds I create are made up of multitudes of people and that's because they are real worlds.

Look at it this way, no one is going to tell you how to write your story, but if you only see the 'default' as the only cast of characters, then your world needs work. As for those who are afraid of getting it wrong, that's a valid fear and one I have come to face myself. But that's why there's research. You can talk to people, get beta readers who are in those marginalised groups. You can contact people you know, and ask, respectfully, about what tropes to avoid and what things to think about when writing this story.

Though, I will say that there are some stories that non-marginalised people shouldn't write. And those are the stories that are about being marginalised. Like I shouldn't write a story about living with racism because I never have and never will. BUT I can write a story about a black or brown kid doing their normal life, because the whole point of a character is for them to be well-rounded and not reduced to one attribute and only that. So if you're shying away from writing a disabled character because you think you need to be disabled, then just remember that you don't have to write a story based solely around disability. I feel like those should be left to the people, like me, who have experienced that kind of oppression. The same goes across the board of course.

So when it comes to planning your cast of characters, just remember that there is no default, and if you think otherwise, then you might need to open your eyes to the actual world around you. Good luck!

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Real Talk #002 - What's Wrong With Joey?

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Spoonie Writer: Taking Care Of You

SPOONIE WRITER: TAKING CARE OF YOU
 
I've been a spoonie for the majority of my life. I've been a writer since I was 19 and published almost 13 years now. One thing I have been very clear on is that you gotta take care of yourself. I've talked about this in other writing pieces, in vlogs, and all over the internet, but sometimes it's good to have a reminder of why you need to make sure you're taking care of you as well as your writing.

Now it's been a while since I did a piece like this, so I'm gonna quickly recap what a spoonie is: A spoonie is someone who is chronically ill and identifies with The Spoon Theory. How am I a spoonie? Well I have several chronic conditions including Fibromyalgia, M.E. and a rare form of asthma that leaves me reliant on oxygen and in a wheelchair. Now that parts over, lets move onto the main focus of this piece. Taking care of you.

In the writing world there is a lot of pressure to be working constantly. I see it, hell I even do it from time to time. There's also a big feeling that you should be pushing yourself to your limits to both write and build your platform. I am still considered a very small fish in the writing world and I doubt I will ever become a big one. Not because I don't want to be, but because there are certain things holding me back. Namely my health, or lack of it. I work hard, I write mostly every day and I make sure to stay on top of my own deadlines and everything that comes along with writing, but yet I still struggle sometimes.

A good example of this is last month I finished two books earlier than planned. I had pretty much a whole week to do nothing but various other pieces of admin. I could've started my next two projects and spent some of that time planning them, but I didn't, because I knew I'd been pushing hard and I needed to take a break. Now this applies whether you're a spoonie with physical conditions or mental health problems. I'm both and sometimes it's harder to take the time for myself when my anxiety of depression are acting up because there's a lot of stigma that surround them. People see the oxygen tubing and they give me a break for that, but when it comes to needing time because my depression is flaring and my anxiety is through the roof, it's harder. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't happen.

I know that there's a lot of talk about how people should be pushing past their barriers to make sure they achieve the maximum they can in any given time, and that's just not true. There are valid reasons for taking a break. Even if no one outside your own brain is saying that to you, it's still wrong. I struggle with taking time for myself. I don't want to let people down and I don't want to be the one who's always the reason for disappointment, but at some times, I do need to say no. I do need to tell people I need this time for me. It's not easy, not in the slightest and while yes, the majority of people should be understanding, there are some who won't be.

Here's the thing, writing is a creative pursuit. You're using all your imagination and time, and energy and all of that to create worlds from nothing. That has a toll on you. There should always be a chance for you to take some time for yourself, and if the people around you are saying different, then they need to take a step back. Again, it's not easy, I get that. I have friends who don't get that I need time for myself and I get how hard it is to say no to them, knowing that you're causing them upset and discomfort, but you need to take care of you. You are valid and no is a complete sentence.

So my advice is to take that time, take it slow and remember that you matter. You are important and alongside that, so are your needs. Now I'm gonna go and curl up with a book and have some much needed down time.


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