SPOONIE WRITER: JUST KEEP WRITING
I've
had this piece on my to-do list for a long while, and it seems apt that
I come to write it on the weekend after I got over COVID. It's one of
those things that, as a spoonie, has been there in the back of your mind
for the past three years because you know, if you're vulnerable, that
it could be a very bad thing for you. I was lucky in that I avoided it
for so long, by the time I did catch it, there were treatments available
and I managed to skate through the worst at home, though it was touch
and go for a time. I don't tell you that for sympathy or for pity, but
because it screwed up my delicate balance between writing, rest, and
doing all the other things I like to get down in a monthly period.
Last
month, I didn't hit my goal for chapters, and now I'm in that place
where I want to try and push forward and finish the two current projects
I'm working on this month, but I know that to do that, I would have to
really push myself. It's then that I realise that even though I talk
about rest and how it's important to do that, I'm not all that good at
following my own advice. The idea that because I'm sick and disabled,
and also work as an indie author, that I must therefore be as productive
as possible, more so than my abled and healthy counterparts, doesn't
sit well with me. It never has, but it's also not been something that
I've needed to really examine all that closely before now.
I
ended up needing a whole week off because of the plague, and with that
went my chances of getting everything ticked off in my planner. I don't
mind it as such, I did need the rest and downtime, and had I tried to
write, it either would've been terrible, or it wouldn't have made any
sense, or both to be honest. I think too often we, and I include myself
in that, forget that as a spoonie, we're fighting several different
fires on several different fronts while also trying to be the author or
writer that we think we should be. And to be that author or writer, we
need to achieve more and do more and become more than we're really able
to do.
It's that catch-22, if we take longer to get things done,
then will our readers/publishers stay loyal? If we have to cancel this
release and then do it again later on down the line, will people think
we're incapable of doing this? If we take less time, and do more, and
overload ourselves, will people think we're not as sick as we say we
are? Or will they write it off as how inspiring we are for managing that
work load? It's hard to balance the author life and the spoonie life.
It's hard to juggle the two and work out which works best for when and
how and all of that. I can't promise that I have all the answers because
I honestly don't, but I can tell you that getting so sick with plague
did make me think, and have, a good look at how I managed my own time,
and my own expectations.
I know that as a small fish indie
author, I need to be publishing at least once a year (more if possible)
to stay relevant to my readers. Now I don't have a huge following, I
never really have, but I do have a core group that have happily shown up
to signings, and cover reveals, and releases and the like, and have
dutifully read and bought my books, and kept happily following them as
they continue to come out. I also know that me personally can't always
keep up with the more than once a year. I've had some problems with my
editing team, I've had some issues with revising drafts and getting them
ready in time. I know that I can choose to pull back and release later
and later, but part of me doesn't want to do that, doesn't want to admit
that I am not able to manage because that feels like admitting defeat,
like letting my conditions 'win' or something like that that doesn't
really make sense.
So here's what I've decided to do. I will
write like usual, I won't overload myself. I won't push my body, which
is already struggling, to do more than it is capable of, and I will keep
writing. If these projects get done this month, great, if not, oh well,
it's just one of those things. At the end of the day, the only person
who truly knows what I am feeling, what I am capable of, is me, and the
decision has to be mine as to how I go about doing things, as to how I
continue on this path.
My advice to any spoonies having the same kind of crisis? Just keep writing, and let the chips fall where they may.
Any questions? Lemme know in the comments!
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